Need vs. Choice

I have spoken and written a lot about self-love over the past several months, and there’s a reason for that.   I want to understand it a bit more, and bring more of it into my everyday life.

One of my first and earliest realizations was self-love is not always (but certainly can be) about giving ourselves things and experiences, such as a new outfit, or a massage.  For me, an even more profound realization was the incessant chatter in my head was often definitely opposite of self-loving.   You know that voice - we're all familiar with it; it sounds something like this:

“You are this,
You are that,
You should do this,
You should do that,
You need to be, or do this,
You are so…”

On and on this little chatterbox goes, and often times unchecked!  As I became more aware of this, I caught myself in the middle of the chatter more often and did whatever I could to stop it in its tracks.  I realized I didn’t talk to others this way, so why did it seem so perfectly okay for me to talk to, or treat myself like this?! 

Recently I was given a gift.  A gift of understanding something about me and my own words that was life-altering.  And, I feel compelled to share it … hence this blog.

Someone noticed I say a lot of “I need to’s.”  This person brought to my attention how different it might be if instead I said “I want to, or I choose to…”  A big light bulb went on!  I had that ah-ha moment.  Can you feel the difference?

One feels like punishment (e.g., need to) versus choosing, which is empowering and feels a whole lot better.  This is a game-changer for me.   I’m upping my self-love game around such a simple thing.  But, it is in these small, very subtle ways that we show ourselves love.

If this resonates with you, I challenge you to join me in noticing how often you say to yourself ...

“I need to, I should, I have to, etc.” 

It’s one thing to take responsibility for our lives and move through our days with wisdom and sense of dignity, accomplishing what’s required of us; I get that aspect of life.  But, we can also choose to live life in a more gentle and kind way toward ourselves, just by noticing where our self-talk isn't very supportive or joyful.

If you want an accountability partner in your journey towards more self-love and care, that’s what I love doing as an Inspired Life Coach.  Feel free to contact me on my webpage at www.inspiredwithdana.com.